


The Littlest Marauder

by Luspiel



Series: Harry Potter and Jazz [7]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Chaotic Neutral Remus, Gen, Good Peter Pettigrew, Hunting the fae, I'm Bad At Tagging, Jokes, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Most of the time, One Shot, POV Remus Lupin, Peter was a Marauder, Platonic Cuddling, Sirius gets the brunt of it, Surprised that tag doesn't exist already, The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, The little mermaid - Freeform, Young Marauders, everybody is happy, is also referenced, is referenced
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:35:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24584683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luspiel/pseuds/Luspiel
Summary: In which Sirius becomes a children’s fairytale.
Relationships: Marauders - Relationship, No Romantic Relationship(s), Sirius Black & James Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter
Series: Harry Potter and Jazz [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1591132
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	The Littlest Marauder

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, I am on fire with the one-shots! If you haven’t noticed, I love the marauders era. Also it's my personal headcanon that the marauders did not know the meaning of personal space.

The four marauders tumbled into their shared dorm hooting in laughter—all four except one. 

“Just be glad Moony came to your aid when he did, Sirius, or you would have been toast. Sick right hook by the way, Moons,” James cheered. 

Remus nodded appreciatively because anymore than that would have taken away attention from Sirius’s rant, and they couldn’t have that could they.

“I don’t know what you guys are laughing about, I could’ve taken that snake!” 

“Sure, Sirius, and I’m you’re evil cousin Bellatrix,” James chuckled. 

“Well, let’s be fair. Even for Sirius’s size he packs a punch,” Peter graciously admitted.

Sirius raised an eyebrow, “What are you talking about, we’re the same height?”

Remus looked between his two friends, head swinging back and forth between their standing forms. He sensed that with his next words he would very well start a battle that no one would escape from unscathed. Remus smiled, “Nope, Pete’s taller.” 

“I call BULL!” Sirius roared. In an instant he had jumped over to Peter’s side startling the boy badly. James lined the two up back to back, appraising their heights like the fate of one (1) limited edition Carmilla Sanguina chocolate frog card, five (5) galleons, thirteen (13) sickles and no less hung in the balance. 

“Yep, Pete’s got you beat by an inch, Si. A whole inch!” James exclaimed, trying and failing to hide his amusement behind surprise. 

Sirius growled, but with the newfound knowledge that he was now the shortest of their pack (interesting word choice, but okay, Remus thought) it looked almost cute rather than bloodcurdling and/or bone-chilling like normal. Like a cub trying to act menacing in front of its peers (seriously, what was up with his diction lately?).

“Well, we can’t all look like uncooked spaghetti. It’s not my fault that you and Remus grow like weeds who in their third year tower over all the rest of us lesser beings!” 

Uncooked spaghetti—now that’s just rude, and Remus did not tower. He merely existed in a higher plane than most thirteen year olds at Hogwarts. Which is exactly what he was about to tell Sirius before James cut in. 

“Wait, if Sirius is now the shortest one of us doesn’t that technically make him—the littlest marauder?” 

It fit. It fit so well that there was a moment of silence that befell the room before the laughter broke out and James had to consider diving under the nearest bed to avoid being tackled. The nearest bed was Peter’s which was lucky because the underneath of James’s own bed very well could have been a portal to another world. A very frightening world where basic hygiene no longer existed. Remus shivered.

However, in a tragic twist of fate James was too slow, and just as Peter was recovering from his loud guffaws James was struck down at approximately 2100 hours. Loud squawks were heard because even though Sirius had originally punched him, he was reluctant to do it again seeing as James was his main co-signer in their more—explosive pranks. Instead he resorted to simply pushing the others face towards the floor very forcefully. 

“How dare you reduce me to a fictionalized—and honestly highly inaccurate—fairytale mermaid!” 

——

Peter felt for James. He wasn’t unfamiliar with Sirius’s definition of “roughhousing.” Sirius could be....abrasive and forceful and tactile. But now that he thought about it, so could James. Come to think of it, James had even sat back and laughed when the other had tried to convince Peter that werewolves got full moon fever the night before a full and would kill anyone who touched their charms notes (which he now knew was highly inaccurate, thank you very much). 

Still, when looking down at the flailing arms and assorted limbs before him, he couldn’t help but think that this all could’ve been avoided. Just then, something glinted out of the corner of his eye. Turning to the amber eyed boy beside him, Peter saw the maniacal grin painted across Remus’s face in full. 

“Y-you knew? You knew!” he said with all the melodrama of a midday soap.

Remus just smiled that “I’m the responsible one” smile and strides over to break up the fight. James had seemed to gain the upper hand, pushing Sirius’s chin back so far that Peter hoped he was imagining that cracking sound. But it didn’t matter because in the next moment Remus had lifted the black haired boy up by the armpits and James had to stagger up by himself. Full moon fever, pfft. 

——

James dusted off his school robes with a frown, “I don’t get why _I_ was the one you chose to take offence to. Peter’s the one who outgrew you. Granted you are both still short.” 

“I am slightly below average in height,” Sirius huffed. He was still being held up by Remus, and was adamantly refusing to stop being deadweight and put his feet down. Honestly, it didn’t even bother Remus too much. 

“You legitimately weigh nothing to me,” Remus said in awe.

“Really? Let me try!” James reached out and immediately almost lost several fingers. 

Sirius snapped at the outstretched hand. He was not a sack of potatoes to be tossed about, and he was not a lightweight, dang it! 

Sirius brushes off Remus’s hands and betrayal, “Of course nothing is heavy to you. Just of course. You’ve been blessed with both superhuman strength and the height of a human beanpole.” Sirius dragged himself to his four poster bed and began to sulk. 

It would have been a very disheartening sight to Remus if he hadn’t also been called a beanpole in the same timespan of a minute. James, however, feels differently and settles onto the larger than life bed as well. Peter follows as well, not knowing if they were going to discuss actual feelings or talk about more nonsense. He was fine with both really. Remus feels the draft from the door and closes it, guess this is what he’s doing with his Tuesday evening. 

“I’m sorry we made fun of you, Siri, it wasn’t nice even if you are technically the littlest marauder,” James apologized (Rating: 67.3 out of 100 in general sincerity). 

Remus was not impressed. 

James wrapped his arm around the sulking teen. He was vaguely aware that he was the only one to get punched and somehow still end up being the one apologizing. “I’m really sorry, sweetie. Do you forgive me?” 

Sirius was blushing now as any teenage boy was wont to do when confronted with James being overly motherly in speech. How the other could use such mushy diminutives without feeling even slightly embarrassed was beyond even Peter, who had long since been established as the nice one. 

“Ugh, whatever, just stop calling me that before I make you take responsibility.” 

Nonsense it is.

“Yeah, you can’t just go around calling people sweet nicknames without consequences,” Peter piped up.

Remus smirked, seeing where this was going. “You have to make an honest man out of our Sirius.”

“That’s right, James, when were you planning on telling my family? When were planning on telling me!”

James had openly begun to splutter and look genuinely freaked before regaining a modicum of sense. “What could I even tell your crazy as balls family? I’d be dead before Easter Hols!” 

“Why don’t you begin with some simple facts,” Remus replied, moving to make himself more comfortable on the bed. “Maybe that the the sticks up their rectum are most definitely messing with their brains and that without immediate removal within 3-5 days they could be facing lifelong consequences.”

Sirius was now laughing along with James and Peter, which just goes to show that any problem can be solved if you apply enough idiocy to it. 

“What? Believe it or not it isn’t well known among most Blacks.” Remus’s poker face only made the others laugh harder though thankfully no one began to choke this time. 

“Hah! Moony, you kill me,” Sirius sighed, slapping Remus’s arm lightly. 

Sirius was slumped down into his pillows and curled around James. Incidentally, James was sharing his very limited space with Peter as well while Remus claimed the most room at the bottom of the bed. They had beckoned him to join their cuddle pile, but Remus had opted out this time. He wasn’t usually so sentimental, but just for today he wanted to burn the memory of his friends happy and together into his mind. Something told him he would need it. 

“Look at that, did you change your hair, Sirius?” Peter asked. 

“Why yes I did, thank you for noticing, _Peter._ Even if it was a month late,” Sirius griped. “Actually Regulus did it for me. He’s surprisingly nifty with a comb unlike Jamsie here.” 

“I was just trying to get it even! How was I supposed to know you’re not supposed to cut hair diagonally?” came James’s poor defense.

Peter scrunched up his face, “Wait, so is Regulus you’re little brother in slytherin?” 

“No, he’s a 6th year in Hufflepuff,” Sirius japed. 

Peter rolled his eyes in turn, “Well, how was I supposed to know with so much of the Black family’s progeny running about?”

Remus snorted, “It’s kind of like a game at this point. If they have grey eyes it’s a Black, don’t be fooled.”

“Ohhh, I get it. Kind of like spotting the fae, right?” James weighed in. 

“No! Figuring out who belongs to my family is not like finding the fae!” 

Remus hid a smug smile, “Whatever you say, Sirius, whatever you say.”

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I know; what a shameless plug for my first fanfiction Full Moon Fever, but in my defense I believe the two would take place in the same world. Friday and An Ember in the Ashes probably fit somewhere along the timeline too. Actually, you’re probably better off not trying to apply reason to these fics.


End file.
